Post by troyhather on Apr 13, 2018 23:28:51 GMT
Now that we know a little more about the causes, the question remains: How can we avoid turning into Grumpy Old Men?
The key, according to Gurian, is making a true identity shift. Between the ages of 50 and 65, every man needs to “let go of our lost youth.” Our youth really is gone and not coming back. We all need to create new, more age-appropriate identities for ourselves.
Gurian, who is 55, illustrates this with an example from his own athletic life. He used to be a soccer player. Soccer was an important part of his male identity. Then soccer just started getting harder and harder on his aging body.
Every man who has loved, say, softball or basketball, knows this problem. You get into your 50s, and suddenly, your favorite sport becomes, mostly, an excellent way to rupture an Achilles tendon.
Just about the same time, Gurian noticed that he was having those telltale quick bursts of anger, maybe a little too often. He started making a conscious effort to begin an identity shift into his older self. He realized that by staying with soccer, he was keeping himself “immature.”
“I had to stop playing soccer,” said Gurian. “Now I walk twice a day. I had to fully shift away from intense sports.”
The important thing is to shift your energy into something. Maybe you can coach the sport you love. Maybe you can turn to golf, a sport easier on the tendons. But don’t just sit on the couch and do nothing.
Similar shifts may have to take place when it comes to relationships, or sex, or your spiritual life. In his book, Gurian talks about men who “repositioned their intentions, read poetry, went fishing, formed a circle of friends, took on new hobbies, found places to volunteer and feel useful.” Every man needs to make these kinds of shifts between the ages of 50 and 65.
“So that by 65, we’re there,” said Gurian. “We’ve moved into a stage of life that is pure elderhood.”
Well, I’m not crazy about that term “elderhood.” Yet the process described by Gurian makes absolute sense. You must stop clinging to your youthful self, and accept your new, older self. It all boils down to an old-fashioned, yet wise concept: aging gracefully.
So here’s the secret to not turning into a Grumpy Old Man: Shift your still not-inconsiderable energies into new, constructive pursuits – ones that make sense for a 60-year-old man. Otherwise, you’ll waste all of your energy patrolling your yard and yelling at kids to get the hell off it.
Finally, I could not resist asking Gurian one crucial question: Is there anything inherently wrong with telling kids to get off your lawn?
“No,” he said, laughing. “Kids need us to help set their boundaries.”
The key, according to Gurian, is making a true identity shift. Between the ages of 50 and 65, every man needs to “let go of our lost youth.” Our youth really is gone and not coming back. We all need to create new, more age-appropriate identities for ourselves.
Gurian, who is 55, illustrates this with an example from his own athletic life. He used to be a soccer player. Soccer was an important part of his male identity. Then soccer just started getting harder and harder on his aging body.
Every man who has loved, say, softball or basketball, knows this problem. You get into your 50s, and suddenly, your favorite sport becomes, mostly, an excellent way to rupture an Achilles tendon.
Just about the same time, Gurian noticed that he was having those telltale quick bursts of anger, maybe a little too often. He started making a conscious effort to begin an identity shift into his older self. He realized that by staying with soccer, he was keeping himself “immature.”
“I had to stop playing soccer,” said Gurian. “Now I walk twice a day. I had to fully shift away from intense sports.”
The important thing is to shift your energy into something. Maybe you can coach the sport you love. Maybe you can turn to golf, a sport easier on the tendons. But don’t just sit on the couch and do nothing.
Similar shifts may have to take place when it comes to relationships, or sex, or your spiritual life. In his book, Gurian talks about men who “repositioned their intentions, read poetry, went fishing, formed a circle of friends, took on new hobbies, found places to volunteer and feel useful.” Every man needs to make these kinds of shifts between the ages of 50 and 65.
“So that by 65, we’re there,” said Gurian. “We’ve moved into a stage of life that is pure elderhood.”
Well, I’m not crazy about that term “elderhood.” Yet the process described by Gurian makes absolute sense. You must stop clinging to your youthful self, and accept your new, older self. It all boils down to an old-fashioned, yet wise concept: aging gracefully.
So here’s the secret to not turning into a Grumpy Old Man: Shift your still not-inconsiderable energies into new, constructive pursuits – ones that make sense for a 60-year-old man. Otherwise, you’ll waste all of your energy patrolling your yard and yelling at kids to get the hell off it.
Finally, I could not resist asking Gurian one crucial question: Is there anything inherently wrong with telling kids to get off your lawn?
“No,” he said, laughing. “Kids need us to help set their boundaries.”